I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
