addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
