I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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