mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
