Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
