i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
