Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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