is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
