The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you had me at cake vodka
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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