im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
