wrigley field is MILF paradise
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
