just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
