i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
