I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize