Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
