buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
