She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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