you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
