If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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