My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
