ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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