Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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