you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
