It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
