I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
