Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
