The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
