i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
