that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
