tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
