sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
