Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
