i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
