I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize