I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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