I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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