Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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