so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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