i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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