office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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