and you said cock pushups were impossible
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
