They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
