I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
