If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
