i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
