sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
