From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
