Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
