She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
