He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
