Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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