3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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