Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
