We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
