so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize