Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
