not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
