my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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