i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
