you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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