I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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