I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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