Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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