i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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