Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
