He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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