This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
