I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Fuck appropriateness.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
