She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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