god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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