I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This is the high leading the old right now
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
