dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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