If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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