she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
