It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
