i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
