she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Alive.
So much puke
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
