i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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