My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
