Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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