Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
