I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
