just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She announced her abortion via fbk
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
