So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
