Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
