I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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