So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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