I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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