I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize