Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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