you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
