how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
