Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize