Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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