in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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