dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
