Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
