i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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