didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
